Today is the 4th of July. Nationals are 2 days away, and the first team has been selected. Ah well... Guess I'm the reserve. Haha. After the shoot today, Mr Lee gathered us to talk to us about it. He said that Kim and Shu hui were in, but he couldn't decide between gl and I. I think he likes balance. Always give both sides. Said that while gl reached a score higher than me, I was more consistent while she fluctuated more. But her fluctuations were getting quite stable, so yar. Couldn't decide. So the 4 of us went out to discuss. Talked for more than an hour at the grand stand. Still couldn't reach a decision. I didn't want to decide it by a coin toss, even though I sort of suggested it. Haha. Ok.
They asked us to rate on a scale of one to ten, how much we wanted to shoot. Both of us didn't see each other's reply when we answered, but both said 7.
Back then, I was thinking, why do I want to shoot? Because if I shot, I would be able to control the situation, and the outcome. If I didn't shoot, the outcome would be out of my control. In other words, it would be easy to take a back seat. But then, I might regret later on if...(touch wood) let's say gl didn't shoot well. Didn't mention the last part to them of course. And also, I would like to gain some experience from nationals. It's quite pathetic...out of all my years in school, I've only been able to participate once, in sec 2.

So in the end, kim and shu hui went off to discuss, leaving gl and I to talk. Gl and I didn't reach a conclusion. So we let kim and shu hui decide. And they picked gl cos they said she has been gaining confidence over the past month and her score was slightly higher than mine. Ok.

Tried not to feel anything while I was in school. Afraid of what might happen. Then on my way home, the voices started to come back. My voice. It was pretty silent throughout the common test, until today. Cos I didn't want it to affect my shooting. Well, guess I don't have to suppress it anymore, just that...it felt better when it was gone.