This week has been a tiring one. I think I go home late almost everyday, and to top that off, I'm car sick most of the time when I get home. I just recovered from my illness, so dunno why I get car sick when I take a bus or a car. It feels terrible.

Threw up on saturday night I think. So a few days last week, I didn't do my quiet time. Was too shagged when I got home and felt too sick to do anything but lie on the bed. Then when I do that, I fall asleep, then I wake up and realise that I haven't bathed yet, so I have to bathe and then go back to sleep feeling ill because of all the air in my stomach. Terrible. Hope the car sickness doesn't continue. I need to do my quiet time.

God has been telling me all week or more to take up my cross and follow Him. More specifically, to deny myself, take up my cross daily and do His good work. I find it hard to deny myself, basically cos I haven't been doing it all my life. I don't normally deny myself. That's why I'm so spoilt. And I complain like nobody's business when things don't go according to how I like it to go. I know I have to whine less. Or stop whining. It just came to me that it takes energy to whine. So yar, I need more energy, so I should whine less. If not to rest the ears of my friends, then to conserve my energy to do more useful things. Will try.

I never knew following Jesus could be like this. I never knew I could live by denying myself. But if I want to be a disciple and not just a normal slack christian, then that is what I have to do. Haiz. So hard. But must be done. No pain, no gain. If I'm not willing to do this for God, then I'll never accomplish anything for Him and for His kingdom. Then I'll never be used by Him.

And I have plenty of people to inspire me. All around me. Jie yun, jacqueline, etc. Jie yun gives bible study to so many people and still finds time and energy for the caring system, to do the housework, to give tuition, for dance lessons, to be faithful, etc. I asked her how she does it. She said that it must be by God's grace.

I don't know how to rely on God to give me strength. If I rely on myself, pauline says I'll run out of strength eventually. Because I am limited. But God is unlimited. So I must learn to rely on Him. Just that I don't know how at the moment.

Yay I've finished Getting Started! That's the first bible study book. Next up, Christian Lifestyle! So exciting. Can't wait to finish all the books so I can grow up quickly. Haha. I sound like a little kid. Can't wait to grow up. But I have to make an effort to be more mature first. Ah well.

Esther gave a guest appearance for the last cell meeting. Talked about faith. Interesting stories she has. Ah...