Ah. It's been a while since I last wrote here, and a lot of things have happened since then. But I shan't elaborate too much lah. Too lazy, and can't remember most of it anyway.

Just came back from my holiday to spain and portugal. During the trip, I read a book by Philip Yancey called Reaching for the Invisible God. Found it in my sister's cupboard. It lasted the whole trip, even though it was only 288 pages. Couldn't read it too fast otherwise I wouldn't be able to understand and absorb the contents. It's the most enlightening book, after the Bible, that I've read in a long while.

It explains why we can trust God, even when we can't see Him. God is invisible. And sometimes, it seems like He's not listening, or even like He doesn't exist. I can't summarise the entire book, you should read it for yourself. It takes faith to believe. To believe in anything actually.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. It takes a step of faith to believe. To act first, ask the questions later. Because only by acting will one find the answers. It's like that.

I tried to talk to God again. Apply what the book says. When I felt discouraged, I remembered a point either from the book or a bible verse. Takes time, after I cut Him off for so long. Yeah.

I didn't get into dentistry. Was terribly disappointed. Got an sms during office hours that the results were up, and saw application processing when I went to check. Took everything I had to hold back tears in the office. I appealed immediately when the appeal thing started.

But then, actually, it's really ok even if I don't get in. It would be nice if I did, but yar, it's ok. I'm so used to this already. Each time something like this happens, things always work out for the better.

After the PSLE, I put RGS as first choice, followed by MGS. Really wanted to get into Raffles cos my sis went to RGS, my bro went to RI. But I didn't get into RGS. I got into MGS instead. Turned out I loved MGS so much, the culture and the people and all.

Next, I put Hwa Chong as first choice, followed by RJ, then NJ for the PAE. Got into NJ. Was quite sad lah but still, things still worked out. I wouldn't be where I am now if I didn't go to NJ.

Didn't get into the STAR programme but got into REAP. Applied for REAP cos I decided that it would be nice to be a researcher, but REAP convinced me otherwise. Applied to be quartermaster but didn't get it, so I had more time to train and study. Applied for S papers but didn't get, had more time to study to get my 4 As. Didn't look for chess but it came my way and I had an experience of a chess tournament. Didn't think I could even make a B grade in CCA without a good leadership position but I got an A with 26 points.

But that's how things worked out for me lah. Thing is, while my academic and CCA grades were good, my spiritual life suffered. I was taking Christianity as a religion. Go to church on sunday cos I was obliged to. I didn't see the need to join a cell. GP and education in general taught me to question everything. I got interested, and still am interested in philosophy.

I questioned. I even questioned God's existance, whether He's real or just something I've learnt since young. And I've come to a conclusion that there is more evidence for His existance than not.

There are some things which are beyond explanation. Others can be explained. One just needs to seek the explanation. However, I am convinced, that there is a God. I believe that He loves me despite of my failings and my flaws. If only I would seek Him and run after Him.

Hosea 10:12 says, Sow for yourself righteousness; reap in mercy; break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord, till He comes and rains righteousness on you.

I need to break up my fallow ground. It's been fallow for years. Now is the time to seek the Lord. To lift my eyes from myself and look up. To remember His goodness to me.

I have destiny and purpose. I've got everything I need. Indeed. I just have to keep reminding myself of the things not seen. Because the things which are seen, i.e. the things of this world, are temporary. But the things which are not seen, i.e. the things on the other side, are eternal.

Our actions and decisions on this world will affect our life later on. In the other world. It will determine whether God will say to you, "Well done, good and faithful servant," or, "I do not know you."

Destiny, my eternity. How my eternity will turn out depends on this life. One life to live. Living for Jesus is the highest purpose in life.

Oh Lord, help me not to stray from Your ways.