From the last entry, it might seem that my relationship with God is smooth-sailing and everything's alright now... right? Haha I wish that were so, but I don't want to kid anyone, including myself. No, it's not like that.

A lot of things have happened. And I still question God. I doubt Him time and time again, but in ways I'll never imagine, He provides me with a way out. I haven't left my church because I see how hard the devil is trying to get me out of it. Trying to persuade me.

But I'm staying on. Because I still have hope. Hope that things will get better, and that I may grow and be used more than I would be anywhere else, so I can get my big house in heaven hahaha.

For we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

At the end of life, I don't wish to look back and regret, why I didn't do more for eternity.

That's why I'm hanging on. I cling on to God, even though I'm not sure He hears me or looks at me, because everything else is meaningless. I want to be bolder, to do greater things for God's kingdom.

And when I was younger, sitting in the pews, everytime the pastor preached on reaching out to friends, to the world, I would be like, "God, please don't call me. It's too tough man." Really, that's how it was hahaha.

Now, I know that if God calls me, He'll equip me with the necessary things I need, including boldness to do what He wants me to.

First, I've to hear His voice.

And I try to write when I'm more optimistic haha.