I've just read Philip Yancey's Disappointment with God. It's a very interesting book. I'll try to give a summary of it here, but I'm afraid that it'll be inadequate to explain everything in the book. So I'll still recommend you to read it.

Why do we get disappointed with God? When we pray for healing, and the healing doesn't come; when we spend all our time serving God and then something bad happens to us; when we want a place in the university badly but don't get it whereas another person who doesn't believe in God gets it instead, we think, "God! What did I do wrong? Why is all this happening to me? Why don't you hear me? Don't you care?"

God often does not do what we expect Him to. When our needs are not met, when God remains silent, when things don't go according to plan, very often, we become disappointed. We might start to doubt the promises in the bible, or even God's very existence.

Very often, we want God to give some proof of His existence. To reassure us that He is real. That He exists. That He hears us when we cry out to Him. That He loves us like He says in the bible. But very often, God remains silent when asked to give a definite proof of His existence. When the Pharisees asked for a proof that Jesus was the Messiah, He did not give one to them.

I am very encouraged when I heard a testimony of someone who has heard the audible voice of God. Of course, who doesn't want to experience that? To have irrefutable proof of God's existence? However, it's God who chooses what He wants to do and how much He wants to reveal of Himself to each of us.

In the Old Testament, God showed Himself evidently to people. There could not be doubt of His existence. The ten plagues in Egypt, the burning bush, even messengers from God. But the people of Israel did not turn to God. They complained, whined, and did not even want to see God. They were afraid of God and told Moses not to let them see Him in case they die in the process. How could God get close to His people without scaring them like that?

To live next to a holy God meant that the people of Israel had to be holy. Thus, a whole string of rules had to be made for them. Very often, they broke the rules, worshiped other gods and paid a heavy price for it. Today, many people worship other gods and idols, but you don't see them being consumed by fire or bitten by serpents every other day. That's because the presence of God is not as strong now as compared to what the Israelites experienced. Perhaps it's for our own good that God doesn't show Himself very often. For He desires mercy, not sacrifice. He would rather we turn to Him than punish us. So He gives us more time to do so.

The people of Israel could not love God because He was just too big and powerful for them. They were afraid of Him. Love cannot be forced or coerced. It has to be given. And God cannot make us give Him love by showing us His might.

And if God was so evident to us, then there would be no need for faith. For without doubt, faith cannot exist. It takes no faith to believe that the chair you are sitting on exists. And we know from the bible that God values faith a lot.

When life is unfair to us, when things don't turn out the way we want them to be, we sometimes blame God for it. Why do we blame God? God is not life. Life is not perfect because we live in a fallen world, a world full of imperfection because of Man's fall from grace. God does not cause tragedies to happen.

But how does God react to the unfairness in life? Look at how Jesus reacts to it. He wept when Lazarus died. That shows us that God does not delight in suffering. He grieves together with us in the mist of tragedy.

But why doesn't God intervene? To right the wrongs? To prevent tragedies from occurring before they occur? Why didn't He prevent the tsunami and save the 200,000 lives? We might never know why until we meet God and ask Him for ourselves. His ways are higher than our ways. We do not know what's happening in the spiritual realm, even as we live in the physical world.

Almost every spiritual giant in the bible had a crisis, an issue of disappointment with God. Joseph was faithful and refused to commit adultery, but was thrown into prison for that, interpreted a dream and was later forgotten by the person he helped. Job was a righteous man, but his world came crashing down for apparently no reason at all. Abraham was promised a son, but nothing happened until he turned ninety-nine. Then he was asked to sacrifice his son.

In all of these examples, God appeared to be unreasonable, hidden, or just non-existent. But all of them pulled through and were rewarded for their faith. However, we may not see rewards in this life, like the apostle Paul and the rest of the saints in the New Testament. Almost all of them were martyred in gruesome ways, after a lifetime of spreading the gospel. But we can be sure that they received their reward in heaven.

Quite often, we are disappointed with God because the people who call themselves Christians disappoint us. God lives within us. The church is a representation of God on earth. But often, He is misrepresented by us, because as human beings, we are flawed. The Crusades, anti-Semitism, burning people at the stake, have all been associated with the church. This is another source of disappointment with God; disappointment with His church. When we do things in His name, it is basically saying that God is doing it.

That is why we have to be very careful of what we do, because we represent God to other people. But inevitably, we will disappoint, because we are human too.

In the past year, I have called out to God more times than any other period in my life. In the dark of my room, I cried out to Him, to help me. I hoped for some sign that God would give, to let me know that He still loves me, that I mattered to Him. But He gave no such sign. As I walked through the valley, I felt alone. But I continued to cling on to God, because He was my only hope. If God didn't exist, then I would have no hope at all. But God did provide help, in the form of some other people.

He didn't help me in the way I would like it, by directly speaking to me in the darkness and telling me that I was not alone, but He placed me where I was, to meet certain people, to get help. It took some time for that to happen. In the meantime, I was disappointed. I questioned God, I shouted at Him, I cried out to Him, but I hung on.

And here I am.